When Stanni Met Harry (Redknapp)


An ex-footballing Polish porn star with an extravagantly large penis walks into a gourmet seafood bar on the south coast…

As part of my MA submissions to date I have had to submit a story each semester of around 5,000 words. Many of my cohort submitted the first 6,000 words of longer pieces but, at the start, I wanted to write something complete and self-contained. Having done so people told me they would happily rad more so I followed it up with another story you’ll find elsewhere on this site entitled BILLY BUBBLES’ MICHELIN STAR MONDAY.

My tutor feedback was that I nearly earned a distinction for this tale – but not quite. Being literary types, they didn’t like the football connection. I refused to take it out for the sake of a 12 year old character called Billy and footballing Mums everywhere.

My tutors did, however, like the first two paragraphs which they said ‘immediately grabbed their attention’. Here they are as a taster.

Interesting man Stanni, short for Stanislav. A refugee of sorts from Warsaw, he’s a polyglot – speaks five languages fluently and gets by in two more. At 2.08m tall he’s over 6’ 8” in old money. Dark haired, blue jawed and green-eyed, he’s thirty something with enormous feet.

He also has an extravagantly large penis. Only discovered that after I got to know him. But this slice-of-life of Stanni’s story rather pivots around it.


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